Ahhhhh, Fresh Air

The dh and I got some cobwebs cleared out of the relationship yesterday, and it feels mighty good. The original diagnosis of cancer and the ensuing trials and tribulations changed a lot of the dynamics without telling us, and we're just starting to get a handle on how much. Old fears and insecurities from my past decided to make an appearance (just to baffle the crap out of both of us - for fun, you know - ack!) with the new fears and insecurities. In other words, from time to time, I'm an emotional wreck. I suppose it's inevitable. I was able to tell him things I hadn't fully realized I was feeling, and he was able to reassure me that I couldn't have stopped any of them no matter what I'd done. And also that the chrystal ball in my head is only an illusion. I have no way of reading another person's mind or the future.

But, today..........the air feels fresh and clean and life is good. I'm able to tell myself that I'm a normally flawed wife just like all the other normal wives. I'm a normally flawed mother just like all the other normal mothers. I'm not responsible for anyone else's happiness or lack thereof. All I can do is be the best I can, be as kind as I know how, apologize when I mistreat someone, and love all people to the utmost of my ability. Even enemies, which is an uphill battle - on my knees no less.

Our Sunday school lessons at church have been centered on embracing the love and grace of Jesus and have been very beneficial.

Well, it's off to sew the rest of the stuff for Sheila's bedding. The shower is Saturday, and I'm just about done. Love you all!

~pinkie

Alfred Hitchcock Must Have Been From Oklahoma

There must be a million grackles hanging out on the overhead lines and in the trees around Walgreen's. I'm serious. They're lined up at least a quarter mile. And squaking - oh my lord! At least 90 decibels worth. It's like walking onto the movie set of The Birds. I never truly appreciated the finer points of migration until I moved to Oklahoma!

I'll never forget the first time I saw a migrating flock. These were smaller birds, but they filled the sky. I nearly had a wreck, I was so fascinated watching them. I'd rather they didn't poop on my car, of course, but I really do enjoy this time of year. One exception - grackles I could do without altogether.

Ah, spring...

Have I gotten all my bulbs in the ground you ask? Well (shuffling feet) not yet. I have close to 100 to go. Some are starting to come up - how exciting is that?

I love Oklahoma (because it rains here)! Nothing like living in the desert to make you appreciate all the little things like rain and birds and the great friends I've made here. Love you all!!

~pinkie

Sleep, Sleep! Wherefore Art Thou, Sleep

Yeah, I'm feeling just about that melodramatic. For someone who's always slept like a stone, this is driving me bonkers. I do all right the first part of the week, and along about Wednesday, I can hardly get a wink except between 5 and 10 am. Obviously my previous plan is kaput. As you can see above, Max has no trouble gettin' the Z's at all.

So...I'm going to try going to bed at 9:30 or 10, getting up at 6:30, and taking a short late morning nap. Without the naps, if I do this, the Wednesday routine changes to sleeping between 5am and 3pm - not good for a gal that has lots to do.

I'm making real progress on the book - yay! And on the quilt - yay! with reservations. The reservations are because I'm a really terrible machine quilter so far (but getting better) and I'll have a LOT of things to fix on the quilt when I'm done. I think the backing and the front will be straight, but that's about all I'm hoping for. I have a lot of trouble seeing the lines I mark on the fabric (too bad I can't use my trusty Sharpie on anything but the tear away/rinse away paper). Even with my glasses and a magnifying glass! *sigh* It also doesn't help when you come close to a seam allowance and the machine won't glide smoothly over it...I'll have to plan for that better next time.

My sister, who is the guru of quilt making (darn her!) is probably smiling indulgently at me right now and shaking her head. The good thing is, she'll let me in on a much easier way to do it. She never lets me suffer for long! Speaking of my sister, I had planned to go to visit her and my mom this last weekend for a quilt show, but then my writing chapter scheduled that day to bring an agent and an editor in. I didn't want to miss the chance of making the contact, and then the dumb weather dumped a bunch of snow on the NY airport before the two could get out of town. Oh, man! I know, I know, there will be other quilt shows and other schmoozing opportunities, but to miss one of each on the same weekend!!

Okay I'm sighing way to much. Sorry to be a downer. I'm really in a happy mood today. Got some more bulbs put out over the weekend, and I'm heading outside after this post to get some more in before the rain starts. We're supposed to get rain all week - yippee! Oh! I was going to show you a picture of my little Jane Magnolia blooming for the first time...okay, it's up at the top of the page now. I haven't figured out how to make the picture stay by its text yet...My genius daughter will let me in on that trick, I'm sure (thanks!)

Well, as much as I love to sit and chat with you guys, I've got to get out in the yard before the rain starts. Love you all bunches!!

~pinkie

Principals of Medication 101

Lesson One:

Even if you are taking an anti-depressant for hot flashes rather than the medication's intended use, it will still mess you up to stop taking it cold turkey.

Holy Effexor, Batman!

My hot flashes have tapered off significantly, so on Monday I took my last Effexor and didn't refill the prescription. Early yesterday afternoon, I called my husband to tell him I felt bad and might not be much help with the grandkids that night (supposedly from not sleeping well on Wednesday which is becoming a regular occurrence at our house) and proceeded to bawl and boo hoo all over him. He's about to panic and asks me what's happened. Of course, I tearfully reply, "Nothiiiiiinnnng." A couple of hours later I call my best friend, Sheila, and repeat the process only she has to listen to me cry for about thirty minutes while the dh got the five minute treatment. That's what best friends are for, right? And why the d in dh doesn't stay at darling all the time.

I also got the I'm-starving-no-I'm-too-sick-to-eat treatment. All while my grandson wants me to get my sorry sick booty off the couch and help him with his floor puzzles and figure out why his video game isn't working and steam him some broccoli (yes, he adores the stuff) and etc. and etc.

This morning I awaken much worse. My brain is a total fog and I'm having these weird electrical symptoms - that's the only way I can think of to describe them. Every so often, when I blink my eyes, it sounds and feels like those old-fashioned camera bulbs going off - remember those? I proceeded immediately to the phone, called in my refill, and have now taken a dose. From now on, I'll do what I should have done in the first place and taper off S-L-O-W-L-Y.

~pinkie, shaking her head and heading off to have a nice bowl of Southwest Tomato soup since she's no longer nauseated