Ahhhhh, Fresh Air

The dh and I got some cobwebs cleared out of the relationship yesterday, and it feels mighty good. The original diagnosis of cancer and the ensuing trials and tribulations changed a lot of the dynamics without telling us, and we're just starting to get a handle on how much. Old fears and insecurities from my past decided to make an appearance (just to baffle the crap out of both of us - for fun, you know - ack!) with the new fears and insecurities. In other words, from time to time, I'm an emotional wreck. I suppose it's inevitable. I was able to tell him things I hadn't fully realized I was feeling, and he was able to reassure me that I couldn't have stopped any of them no matter what I'd done. And also that the chrystal ball in my head is only an illusion. I have no way of reading another person's mind or the future.

But, today..........the air feels fresh and clean and life is good. I'm able to tell myself that I'm a normally flawed wife just like all the other normal wives. I'm a normally flawed mother just like all the other normal mothers. I'm not responsible for anyone else's happiness or lack thereof. All I can do is be the best I can, be as kind as I know how, apologize when I mistreat someone, and love all people to the utmost of my ability. Even enemies, which is an uphill battle - on my knees no less.

Our Sunday school lessons at church have been centered on embracing the love and grace of Jesus and have been very beneficial.

Well, it's off to sew the rest of the stuff for Sheila's bedding. The shower is Saturday, and I'm just about done. Love you all!

~pinkie