Of course, my little grandson doesn't work - I'll pick him up from school - hehehe
~p

Just a quick note to let everyone know I'm doing okay. Right now the predominate thought is "This isn't my life, is it?" I feel so strange getting the cards and emails etc. This can't be me. It can't be my situation, can it? It blows my mind sometimes.

One word of advice I've learned. Don't tell a person with advanced cancer that none of us knows when we're going to die and that you could get hit by a truck tomorrow. It isn't the same, trust me, and that's not a comfort. Tell them a funny joke instead. Tell them something your child or grandchild did yesterday. Tell them you love them because that's the best comfort of all.

We're headed to the lake this weekend (how's that for perfect timing?) so I'll write more Sunday or Monday. Since I'll be working from home now, I can pick my grandson up from work one day a week. See, God never wastes a hurt. I have an inkling of other blessings coming my way, but more on that when I get back.

Love you all!
~pinkie

Tomorrow's the big day! Whoopee!

Okay, I'm being facitious - not sure of the spelling there...

Today was a good day. I haven't been as tired as usual today. I was incredibly sleepy yesterday, but I still managed to go out to eat at Chili's with BF Sheila and cleaned out the spare bedroom some. Today I'm kind of hyper, probably because tomorrow is the oncologist appointment.

This Monday, I start on my get-well-quick diet, so tonight we went to my favorite steakhouse for a small filet - yum, yum, double yum. I'm just about out of things on my list. I do have some Fritos and Tostitos cheese dip for tomorrow or the next day. This weekend we're going to the lake. Monday, I give up all meat, poultry, fish, alcohol, dairy products, sugar, wheat, and eggs in preparation for my juice fast. I found a 21-day regimen online that I think I'll follow. It's a 8-day fast with 3 days to come off the fast and 10 days on a 75% raw/25% cooked ratio. After that I'll add in limited fish and a small amount of dairy. Will try to stay off the wheat (it really bloats my tummy) and definitely off meats, poultry, alcohol, sugar, and most fats.

For anyone who'd like to read a good diet book, try Fit for Life. The guy is a bit of an extremist on some issues, but it's got some great principles to eat by and seems pretty easy to follow. It's no wonder tons of people lose weight on his diet and feel tons better. I got 2 new books in today: Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book (which any woman would probably find fascinating) and the Cancer Battle Plan Sourcebook. This weekend, I'll work on assimilating and coordinating all the varied information I've read and put together some kind of coherent plan for my future wellness. Not a small task, guys and dolls.

I should run now. It's almost bedtime and I want to read for a while. Love this saying: I'm too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed. You guys are a huge part of that blessing and anointment. Love you all!!

~pinkie

I really have to take a minute to sing my coworkers' praises. They are so very sweet to me. The fatigue has really been getting to me, and they've been right there to help. I've been really late to work two days and they are so supportive. Whatever I need, they're right there. Now, you couldn't pay for something that precious. There's not enough money in the world. Anyone out there praying for me, please pray for blessings on my coworkers. They deserve anything they can get!

Yesterday was a hard evening. I guess I had a lot of emotion bottled up, and it overflowed. I got started crying and just couldn't stop. My poor husband. You know how men are with emotion - well, he really got dumped on big time. He handled it really well, I must say.

We met with a couple of naturopathic doctors yesterday. One was completely incoherent - I mean, talk about excess verbage! All you writers out there know what I'm talking about. Don't take a hundred words to say what one or two would say better. Sheesh! He was very sweet, but I just can't communicate with him. The second guy was better, though he was a bit of a conspiracy theorist. Well, not a bit - he's a *big* conspiracy theorist. But he seems to know what he's talking about with nutrition and supplements, etc., and he really seemed to care about my situation. We have another appointment next Wednesday morning and then one more the following Monday. We're making progress.

My laptop arrived today for me to work at home. I think I'll go out a week from this Monday. The fatigue (whether from stress or the cancer if it's really present, I don't know) is getting to me big time. During the week, I just want to come home and go straight to bed. I brought my laptop home and will set it up on Sunday and see if it works like it's supposed to. It should be just like being at work - is that not awesome technology? The sales reps say all their stuff is there whether at the office or at home. Everything's the same. Amazing.

Tomorrow the fam and I are heading for Palo Duro Canyon to the see the play Texas. My MIL and I have been wanting to go since before we even met, so we're finally doing it. I'm excited about that. My little grandson sure wanted to go with us, but he has lots of goings on tomorrow. One of those things is ball practice. He started machine pitch this year. Can't wait to see the boys play. Loved T-ball! He came over to see us tonight, and you talk about an infusion of joy in Nana's heart - oh my gosh. We were watering the flower beds and got into a water fight. I was drenched by the time he was done with me. I laughed and laughed. Grandpa runs faster than I do, so he didn't get as wet. Grandkids are the best!

I have so many blessings. It's nice to have an evening where I can count a few of them - speaking of blessings, Sheila (my best friend) called tonight, and she, her dh, me, my dh, her dh's brother, his little girl and my grandson all went out to dinner. Great company and great food!!

My son spent his first night in the dorms last night. He's all grown up now, I guess. He's really proud and excited to be out of the parents' digs. Got the bill today too - holey moley. College ain't cheap boys and girls! He's so worth it, though. He's the best son a mom could ask for. He even does dishes - wooo!!

Time for bed. Everyone have a great weekend. Since I let the lid off the pressure cooker last night, I'm primed for a great time. God bless all who read this.

~pinkie

Well, the biopsy is done; I've had my morning coffee at last along with brats cooked on the grill by my husband. The biopsy wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it might be. In fact, I was very comfortable. They gave me a light sedative to relax me, and I slept through quite a bit of it. I remember bits and pieces. They brought a pathologist up to ensure they had an adequate sample of the tissue. The radiologist said he cleaned the spot out. My hip is sore, but I took a Loritab and will lay down for a nap when I finish this post. I should be able to go to work tomorrow.

I've got some appointments made with nutritionists and naturopathic doctors (may have mentioned that before - remember, I'm impaired more than usual). Anyway, the point is, I have a list of foods I want to eat before I go cold turkey (or cold veggie since turkey won't be on my consumables list for a while...). I've had Del Rancho's chicken fry (Texan for a chicken fried steak), Ricky's mexican food, pizza, Panera cinnamon bagels, Johnnie's chargrilled hamburgers, and now yummy Brats. Left on the list is Cattleman's steakhouse, a Braum's chocolate shake, Johnny Carino's, Reese's peanut butter cups, and one of my awesome chocolate cakes with fudge icing (can*not*) be topped. And anything else I think of between now and my projected start date of 8/24. I also have about 2/3 of a giant Hershey bar in my desk drawer at work that I need to finish. One of my reps sent me an almond Hershey bar and a regular 3 or 4 months ago. I've been savoring them since. That's my ultimate favorite chocolate in the world. Dove and the rest can get lost - give me a Hershey bar!!

It's time for me to go lay down now. I really appreciate all you ladies and guys for the tremendous support. HHRW, OKRWA, and my local Methodist church are the best!! Top of the heap are my wonderful critique partners. I could not do this without you!!!

Hugs,
~pinkie

Tomorrow is "tha day." Am I nervous. Yep. Pain and I are not friends, but hopefully this won't be too bad. Usually the worst part is the shots to numb you. Talked a long time with my daughter tonight, and that always does a mom's heart good. She's so accomplished and clear-headed. How I produced a child that smart amazes me. I mean, not just book smart but all-around smart. Okay, okay. I know - every old crow thinks hers is the blackest (but mine really is!).

I shall blog tomorrow if I'm able. If I'm too uncomfortable, I'll catch up with you guys on Thursday. I love my friends, family and coworkers. Couldn't do this without you!!

~pinkie

Yay! My new skin works - hooray!!! Laura informed me it doesn't work in all browsers (she see the text all squished to the left side), but she's going to work on it for me tomorrow. Man, I'm blogging with the best of them now. I need to get that site counter thing next.

Oops - I was supposed to be writing. Gulp! Don't beat me, Gena!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..........

~pinkie

Di does it yet again - she finds the most interesting websites and books. Be sure to check out her comments.

Well, I just came in from the back yard where it has begun to rain. I hope it keeps on raining instead of teasing me with the usual 2-minute downpour. My poor plants are barely hanging on. Even with the sprinkler system, the yard and flowerbeds look pretty dry. Thank goodness we put in the system this year, or they'd all be dead, I'm sure!

I've been so tired the writing hasn't been going very well, but will give it a stab again tonight. I have to pick up my son at 10:30 tonight as his car is still in the shop. I'm starting to get a little apprehensive about the test Wednesday. The only thing painful about my last biopsy was getting the shots to deaden the area, so I assume this will be the same. The nurse said they may give me that 'twilight sleep' where you're not really asleep but very calm. Sounds good to me.

I scheduled my doctor's visit today for Wed the 23rd in the afternoon. Will post here with my results as early as I can.

I've gathered up a list of naturopathic doctors and MD's who practice alternative medicine. Will start calling tomorrow to make appointments to check them out. So far the plan is to spend 8/24 through 8/31 doing the pre-diet. I have to stop eating all meat, fish, poultry, pork, dairy products, wheat, and a few other things I can't remember. Then on 9/1, I'll start the juice fast for two weeks. Then I have a 'coming off the fast' diet to do a few days and then I go forward eating 75% raw foods and 25% cooked foods. Still no meat, etc., until I get a clean bill of health from the doctor. Please forgive all my 'thens' in the previous sentences.

That's all I know for now, and of course, all of this is dependent on what my oncologist plans to do and what I hear from the nutritionist.

I'd better go get busy writing. I have a critique partner that likes to crack the whip!

More soon,
~pinkie

We have a date!

My biopsy is scheduled for this Wednesday at 8:00 a.m. I'll get the results the following Wednesday. I'm so excited! I know, I know. It's a weird thing to get excited over, but waiting for anything long enough will induce excitement, trust me. I'm ready to get on with it and get busy fighting.

The prayer of the day is: If *any* of the spots are cancerous, I want this result to come back positive. I don't want to have to go through additional biopsies to find cancer if it's there. If this comes back negative, they'll do a PET scan and then biopsy the largest spot on my vertebrae (T4). That's a tricky one to get to which is why they didn't biopsy it first.

If the result comes back positive, they'll still do a PET scan to measure the level of activity in the spots. Activity means bone turn-over, which is new cells coming up and dead cells being carried away more rapidly than usual. It's a sign of the bone trying to heal itself or fight something off. This PET scan will serve as a baseline to measure the effectiveness of treatment. They'll change my hormone-control medication and then take another PET scan to see if the level of activity has changed and so forth and so on. The road goes on forever and the party never ends, boys and girls.

Chemo may be involved at some point, but since this is medically incurable (notice I said 'medically'), they'll do the least they can to contain it.

I talked with my boss today, and working at home is a go. Now I need to discuss this with my oncologist to make sure the extreme (and we're talking way the hell out there, baby) nutrition therapy won't interfere with what she's doing. If it does, such as if she decides to do chemo right away, I'll wait until that's done to start shooting coffee through the bottom end.

Holy Frijoles, I can't believe I'm talking about juice fasting and coffee enemas. Have mercy. It's just more than a spyder can comprehend some days. Even more amazing is the amount of information on both you can find on the internet. I actually have detailed instructions.

I'm also in the market for a naturopathic doctor and/or nutritionist in the area. If any of you know of a good one, let me know. I need one that's not so into supplements as eating the right foods to accomplish what I have to accomplish. I already take 98% of all the supplements known to man, so I don't need a source. I need a complete program of diet, exercise, supplements, etc. The book I have has some guidelines but leaves many unanswered questions. I need expert guidance.

I've just about talked your ears off here (those of you who know me well won't be surprised), so just a couple more things.

Laura - I wish you were here, too, sweetie! Those of you who don't know, Laura is my lovely, talented and very intelligent daughter and is a constant source of pride for her mother. She's in Boston working on her Masters degree (man, I *love* saying that!).

Di - I loved your comment - will have to visit that site! Everybody check out Di's comment on day before yesterday's post. She found a cool website with healthy recipes, etc.

The ladies of OKRWA are the best in the world!

Everyone visit: http://altmedicine.about.com/od/detoxcleansing/l/bl_quiz_detox.htm for a quiz on whether you need to detox your body. You'll be surprised.... Scroll down and click on the really small blue link that says Detox screening quiz. You have to look for it. It'll bring up the first question.

Love you all!
~pinkie

They're still trying to schedule the biopsy for Friday, but we've changed from Mercy to Baptist because Mercy doesn't take my insurance. I hope they realize tomorrow is Thursday... little joke there, hehehe. Gotta laugh sometimes. Hubby and I went out for Mexican food tonight in preparation for my extreme diet makeover. For the next week, I'm going to eat my favs - Johnny Carino's, a big juicy hamburger, pizza maybe. I have to be careful because if I eat too poorly, it has digestive consequences. Those of you as firmly in your forties as me know what I mean.

I ordered Diana Dyer's book yesterday. She's a dietician who had advanced cancer similar to mine and beat it through diet.

Sometimes, like now, this seems so unreal. I think, what the hell am I doing? This can't be me. This isn't my life. I have a great talent for avoiding the unpleasant, and I feel myself slipping into that mode sometimes. Then it all comes back to me. Wow.

Then other times I want to get the testing all done and dive into the thick of the battle.

*sigh* Things will progress at the speed they want to and not the speed I'd prefer.

Don't mind me. I'm tired and a bit melancholy tonight, so I think I'll head off to bed, watch some TV, and drift off. Sweet dreams, everyone!

~pinkie

Well, as some of you know, it's been wild around the web lately. I had my annual CT scan (after being diagnosed with breast cancer in Feb 2005), and they found a spot on my backbone. The bone scan showed that spot, another on my backbone and several more on my left pelvic bone. The doctor's office is currently working on scheduling a biopsy of the largest and easiest spot which is on the pelvic bone. My doctor is really picky about who she'll let do it because we need the best. I love that about her!! Should be late this week or early next week at Mercy. I'll know the results by the first of next week. There are lots of details I'll be sharing this week about what this may mean and where we go from here, but no time tonight.

I've had a great time playing around with this blog, but it's time to get serious. Join me for a journey through the mysterious and deadly land of cancer. I promise I won't let you get hurt. Just take my hand, and we'll go together. I'll do all the dangerous stuff. Perhaps someday the things you witness will be of use to you or a loved one. I intend to make it all the way through, and I'm pulling out all the stops medically and nutritionally. Jesus is going with us (you remember, He promised to lead us through the valley of the shadow of death?), so we don't have to be afraid. Even if I end up having to leave you, He'll stay right beside both of us. He's special that way...

By the way, if you didn't know before, now you know why the spyder is pink. It's a spyder because that's just how I am. Kooky, horror-loving, and eternally optimistic. Even when I die someday, I'm optimistic. Heaven will be so cool. Trust me, I've had a lot of incentive to think about it.

'til tomorrow,
~pinkie