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Wednesday, June 28, 2006


My Turn!

A rousing “Thank you” to my arachnid friend, The Pink Spyder, for allowing old Kingie to grace her hallowed snare as this week’s “Guest Blogger.” I only pray that these royal ramblings measure up to her Blog’s fine tradition of brilliance and distinction. So, without further ado~

I find myself dangerously approaching a point in my archaic age where I am losing patience for those in the realm who cannot, or will not, use proper King’s English. Nothing twists the royal knickers more than trying to understand the oral gibberish and misspelled writings of the kingdom’s inhabitants. Much like the Black Death, this has become an evil plague upon the monarchy.

It was only yesterday that ye royal crowns gnawed upon each other whilst I listened to the Olde Towne Crier mispronounce his utterings, word, after word, after word. So infuriated was I that I summoned my loyal Squires to procure a copy so that I might read, and thus understand, with more clarity. Alas, the King's heart weakened with despair as royal tears fell downward upon his robe. I witnessed misspelled words and poorly constructed sentences. Grammar, much like yon castle walls, was in dire need of structure and support. I feared that the enemies of intellect had invaded my realm. Theirs was the goal of undermining the very foundation us old monarchs have fought for and cherished, lo these many centuries. I beseech you, all who read this, to follow me in a crusade for better syntax. Time and apathy are our enemies and they have placed us at the edge of their wicked forest. There is no turning back. We must find a way to breach the dark and eerie woodland, or perish, sword in hand, at this scourge of ignorance.

A Proclamation To All: “Go forth, learn, and teach! Harvest a manuscript on grammar. Open it and read its contents. A playful starter: http://www.edufind.com/english/grammar/ Being ever so simplistic and fun, even the squeamish at heart will enjoy this website. Study it knaves, learn it, and recite its works! Push thyself, knights! Rise up, Ladies of the Crown! Rise meteorically. Become Nobles of the Quest. Go forth and teach those less fortunate. Pride thyself in thy newly acquired literary skills.

If I must command Merlin to cast a spell, then so be it. The realm shall, no MUST, learn effective speaking and writing skills. The King’s English must endure. From the Monarch’s lowly Court’s Jesters to its lofty arachnids of the world, all shall rise to meet this decree.

And to my host, Pinkie~

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew her, Pinkie: an arachnid of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy and quality of written speech: she hath borne me on her website; and now, how exuberated in my imagination it is! My chalice rims at the edge with gratitude and respect. Now get you to your Lady's chambers, Miss Pinkie, and tell all, to look upon this favour as privilege. Go now in peace all that read this.

And to the critics of the Crown, should you find grammatical errors herein, remember this: "Sometimes it's good to be the King!" I beg leave of you now, my loyal subjects.

King Richard of White

10 flies caught in my web:

Betty S said...

I fear I am in grave danger. I'm a Yank and have no ability whatsoever in speaking the King's English. IS it "Off with my Head!" Or will you overlook a slight lapse of linguistic agility in a friend?

Laura said...

Thes bugger has nae idea whit he is talkin' abit. He is obvioosly foo ay jobby. Noo ho ye, th' fitba gam is oan.

The Pink Spyder said...

Ho there, lad. I dinna ken what yer talkin' bout. The King o'England be a scurilous dog, oh aye. And his English no doubt be equally bumfuddled. Maybe we should take a wee bit o'scotch and ponder the matter...

hehehe

~pinkie, in her best Scottish accent

King Richard said...

Aw, shucks! As my colonized peasents in New Zealand might say: "Good on ya..."

Sara said...

That king thar, he sures talks all fancey. I ain't never heard the likes of it afore. Did he say taxes are a sin? Well, okay then.

The Pink Spyder said...

Ha ha ha! Best one yet, Sara!!

Sara said...

Sometimes I hear voices in my head ... not sure where they come from.

The Pink Spyder said...

From the depths of your dark creative soul, my dear...
hehehe

King Richard said...

Hey, Sara, You know what they say in the dungeons: "The only thing wrong with Taxes is Taxens!"

Sara said...

You be careful when you talk about Taxens. Some of my best friends are Taxens.