Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Great evil is afoot! I've received intelligence today through my world wide web (it really is all mine, you know) that King Richard of White has stated the following (and I quote!):

"Just for the record, dah-ling...spiders are the only thing prohibiting me from becoming a certified, card-carrying Hindu. I respect all forms of life "except-" you guessed it: arachnoids."

I cannot tell you how upset I am - truly, truly upset. King Richard, if you are reading this, I'd like to introduce you to someone.... The picture above is my boyfriend, Freiderick, and his evil twin brother, Hortence. He is a funnel web spider. If you do not cease and desist making all such comments, I shall send him to bite you. His venom attacks the human nervous system so severely, the initial symptoms include local pain, mouth numbness, vomiting, abdominal pain, sweating and salivation. And that's just for starters!

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, kingie-poo! Now what have you to say for yourself? Shall I call upon Freiderick?

Humbly awaiting your reply,

9 flies caught in my web:

Julia Mozingo said...

Love the voice! What a wonderful web you weave, Pinkie Dah-h-ling.

Laura said...

I was looking at the comments on your first post. Wow, you ladies all have built-in blogging entourage.

The Pink Spyder said...

We are a wacky loyal bunch, that's for sure!

Sara said...

What a coincidence ... I love Spider Solitare!

I once let a tarantula crawl on my hand and arm at the Butterfly Pavilion in Colorado. It was either that or the three-inch roach.

King Richard said...

Let us be clear on this, Your Exalted and Most-revered self-proclaimed Highness. You are implying upon yours truly that it is Freiderick’s venom, which is responsible for those ghastly symptoms? Symptoms that I have endured lo, these many, many years? Why, Pinkie, m’lady…all the whilst I had been certain it to be a gift from The Great and Powerful Queen Lura, wicked widow witch of the Castle White.

Pfft…all of you widow makers share the same goals in life…spin a web, trap a male, seduce him with your prowess by manipulating his male palp. Render him helpless, leave him lamenting for more. Afterwards, you dance, ceremoniously, as if in a ritual to bid farewell to loves’ lost plight. Then, as time draws near, you dispose of that which originally you had sought. Alas, only to spin another web, another trap, followed by another ceremonial dance.

I fear neither your Freiderick, nor your Hortense…nor any of those that would attempt to inflict peril into my exoskeleton, hardened by years of skill and experience. For I, too, dance to the beat of a different web spinner, O’ Pink One! Twang your little strand of silk, Pinkie. Twang it often, and with relentless vigor and fervor. Off, off go I to seek another’s garden where I shall sample the sweet passions of the web and drink of that snare’s sweet nectar.

Pucker up dear Pinkie, you sour old spider! Covet that into your evil web of desire. For I, King Richard, have spoken!

The Pink Spyder said...

I'm going to have to ponder on that for a while, kingie. I think I've been out-gunned!!

The Pink Spyder said...

Sara, my dear, always pick a spider over a roach - we have such better table manners....and we're cuter too!

Sara said...

I agree, though I have to admit I've killed several of your relations in my lifetime. I hope that doesn't preclude our being friends ... of a sort. Hmmm. Friends with a spider, especially one with the ability to accessorize ... should be very enlightening.

Something I've always wanted to know. Do you intentionally crawl on people while they're sleeping?

(You should bring King Richard to the next meeting ... he could speak on twanging.)

The Pink Spyder said...

Of course, we can be friends, dear Sara! I'm sure you only killed the ones I didn't like anyway! King Richard to a meeting? My stars, he'd adore that! So, no.

Just kidding! I shall send a missive his direction at once! He'll obey if he knows what's good for him!